I am surrounded

[minxy]

It occurs to me today, on a day when I don't particularly want people around, that I'm actually surrounded by wonderful folks. I have friends leaving town who've delayed their *move* so that I could be at the good-bye party. I have friends who want to cook with me (and they're fun to cook with.) I have housemates who *realize* they are dumping their personal shit on me and seem to be compromise in other, meaningful ways, which is... oddly them. I have family who scheduled their first visit for after the racing season, I have friends who likewise waited for me to have some free time and remembered and scheduled and want to hang out, want to go the theater, want to see me and talk and stuff.

So it's a strange sort of introverted heartbreak to realize that my strongest inclination right at this moment is to lock the lab doors so I can work in peaceful isolation all day. They all have keys, of course, so the plan is flawed.

Also, and not unrelated:

Wonderful people have been reccing my stories for some reason lately. In a time of closed canon, it's particularly exciting. I am chuffed, guys, to see feedback on stories that are years old! And brand new! And have collapsed comments from so many and only ten but from people I respect so much... And for little me in my little esoteric corner of odd friendships.

Thanks for all of that. Thanks. I can't tell you how much I'd love to go home tonight and spend time with restfully quiet imaginary people in my head, telling stories. Ah, motivation, why must you show up when my duties include cooking with friends and a going-away party?

Comments

[rydra_wong]

Saw your comment in the Monday pride thread at Syne's, and I'm so sorry you're still having to deal with so much crap. I'm glad people are being semi-useful, at least.

*offers virtual hugs*

[http://users.livejournal.com/_minxy_/]

Sympathy is apparently an invitation to infodump in my brain right now. Sorry in advance.

So it's... it's not that any one thing is particularly crappy, but there's a *lot* going on right now, and managing the tempramental people I answer to is not one of my strong suits.

I had a kid under me who messed up. He messed up in many ways, but mostly only in ways that wasted my time, until the last few weeks where he actually broke an expensive piece of equipment. And he wasn't a bad kid, but he lacked attention to detail, which is somewhat critical in my line of work.

So the crap has landed on me, as his supervisor. I'll accept a measure of blame for what happened, I've sincerely apologized and thought about what I could have done differently, and offered to fix things, and make amends. Turns out, I'm going to fix things at no further cost to my advisor. Pretty decent amends if you ask me.

There was another kid and another supervisor, arguable of equal responsibility in the cock-up, and they want absolutely no blame of any kind. As a result, the other lab with co-ownership of the machine cannot get past the blame game in order to move forward into fixing things.

I feel like any more apologizing on my part is going to cross the line into grovelling. I'm done there. If they don't get their heads out of their asses I will withdraw my offer to maintain the equipment.

Meanwhile, a difficult experiment does not go well.

And, unfortunately, I have to give my sort-of-quarterly lab update on Thursday, and I always want to have more to show. In this case, the undergrad who wasted my time was more of a distraction than a help, and I feel like I might truly have less to show for myself than I ought. Knowing that my tempramental boss has already flown of the hook once this week at me (and been diffused, because I was fucking *right*, but I still felt awfully after the argument, while he looked relieved and chipper,) is contributing to a little procrastination and last minute scrambling to get data.

So I'm feeling unappreciated and inadequate! WOE IS ME.

Labeling one's funk doesn't actually make one feel better, as it happens.

It was fun to read Paian's lovely porn, though, that is quite a mood enhancer. I love fandom, the end.

(and sorry for the whining, thanks for the sympathy)

And also, let's remember that my friends really are lovely and they love me and I met an elegant and friendly woman today, also a chemistry post-doc, and I predict friendship. So. Life doesn't actually suck, no matter what I say.