perhaps a stereotypical girl...
Nov. 7th, 2008 04:48 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
minxySo I had a moment today when I caught myself thinking, in response to a really sweet situation, really, "He just doesn't *understand*."
With the context of, "in the way of men," or "women would understand" or something along those lines.
Don't you judge me, now, before you hear the whole situation.
I believe I have mentioned the boy I am inappropriately crushing on at work, right? Poor new guy I'm dating just doesn't measure up, and I'm forever comparing them, but whatever.
I have also ranted, I'm sure, at length about my current boss and his Rodney McKay school of motivating people. He does rather piss me off. He often has a point, though, if you can manage to not be so offended that you can hear it. I try.
So today, after working my ass off all week and getting backed up, I pulled together a presentation of current literature in my field and discovered belatedly that the analysis wasn't that great. Sadness, I'm presenting a less than stellar paper.
Those of you in scientific fields will, no doubt, recognize the literature club presentation format.
My advisor was in a rotten mood to begin with, and ripped the paper, including my presentation of it (not that bad, hello) and the strengths of it too, to *shreds*. He even characterized his own reaction as "possibly unduly harsh" which, you know, lots of fun to bear the brunt of.
And, generally speaking, I can't help taking things to heart if they are phrased badly, or meanly. Unduly harsh statements get two reactions 1) I lose a little respect for the person reacting in a melodramatic manner. 2) I shut up, fume silently and wait for them to shut the fuck up, if they're being irrational. Now, the second part... I can't help either part, actually. It's a part of my personality to believe that people arguing in that tone are not listening, and therefore I shouldn't bother engaging (also, they're a little idiotic for pulling the stunt.)
So I generally fume for a bit, calm down, try to pull the constructive criticisms out of the bullshit and I get on with it.
I can't help being a little more thin skinned than others might be. Also, I might mentally pretend to squash his head to make myself feel better.
ANYWAY, yes, today. The boy I crush on (inappropriately) was in the meeting and spotted that I was getting angry. Which is sort of endearing, considering how I fume in a dangerously silent manner. I mean, he noticed, aw. So immediately after, he gave me a shoulder-grasping sort of 'Buck up, you okay?' hug walking in the hallway and suggested we grab some lunch since he eats late and I only got a few bites of sandwich prepping the powerpoint slides.
Clearly wanted to talk, you know? Kind of amazing, really.
I believe his thought processes were "(Minx) is upset," goes to "perhaps I can explain what the advisor was trying to say," goes to "let me tell her how to deal with it." Or, this is how you have to react, or this is how you fix it (actual words used.) Which led to the "Oh dear God you aren't *listening* to me, you don't understaaaaaand" nonsense (in my head. I didn't say it out loud.) (fortunately, because I'd be really embarrassed at this point.)
(Also, I am a special flower and the center of the universe sometimes.)
The thing is, I wasn't *that* upset, really. I'm not that invested. It's not the first time the boss has unleashed ire in my general direction or said things in a manner I found rude and offensive and borderline personal. So part of my reaction to him was to revisiting, again, what the boss was trying to say when I was at the 'get over it now' part of my coping plan. Also, the 'have a good attitude' advice is kind of my life's mantra, so I was a little confused about that.
Details of the pep-talk aside, though, it is kind of endearing that the boy I'm crushing on was so invested in my reaction. Even if he didn't magically know exactly the right thing to say. Dude, he *tried*.
I shouldn't be crushing on him, really. It's a lab of six people, that's too small to introduce interpersonal relationships, right?
...I'm so screwed.
With the context of, "in the way of men," or "women would understand" or something along those lines.
Don't you judge me, now, before you hear the whole situation.
I believe I have mentioned the boy I am inappropriately crushing on at work, right? Poor new guy I'm dating just doesn't measure up, and I'm forever comparing them, but whatever.
I have also ranted, I'm sure, at length about my current boss and his Rodney McKay school of motivating people. He does rather piss me off. He often has a point, though, if you can manage to not be so offended that you can hear it. I try.
So today, after working my ass off all week and getting backed up, I pulled together a presentation of current literature in my field and discovered belatedly that the analysis wasn't that great. Sadness, I'm presenting a less than stellar paper.
Those of you in scientific fields will, no doubt, recognize the literature club presentation format.
My advisor was in a rotten mood to begin with, and ripped the paper, including my presentation of it (not that bad, hello) and the strengths of it too, to *shreds*. He even characterized his own reaction as "possibly unduly harsh" which, you know, lots of fun to bear the brunt of.
And, generally speaking, I can't help taking things to heart if they are phrased badly, or meanly. Unduly harsh statements get two reactions 1) I lose a little respect for the person reacting in a melodramatic manner. 2) I shut up, fume silently and wait for them to shut the fuck up, if they're being irrational. Now, the second part... I can't help either part, actually. It's a part of my personality to believe that people arguing in that tone are not listening, and therefore I shouldn't bother engaging (also, they're a little idiotic for pulling the stunt.)
So I generally fume for a bit, calm down, try to pull the constructive criticisms out of the bullshit and I get on with it.
I can't help being a little more thin skinned than others might be. Also, I might mentally pretend to squash his head to make myself feel better.
ANYWAY, yes, today. The boy I crush on (inappropriately) was in the meeting and spotted that I was getting angry. Which is sort of endearing, considering how I fume in a dangerously silent manner. I mean, he noticed, aw. So immediately after, he gave me a shoulder-grasping sort of 'Buck up, you okay?' hug walking in the hallway and suggested we grab some lunch since he eats late and I only got a few bites of sandwich prepping the powerpoint slides.
Clearly wanted to talk, you know? Kind of amazing, really.
I believe his thought processes were "(Minx) is upset," goes to "perhaps I can explain what the advisor was trying to say," goes to "let me tell her how to deal with it." Or, this is how you have to react, or this is how you fix it (actual words used.) Which led to the "Oh dear God you aren't *listening* to me, you don't understaaaaaand" nonsense (in my head. I didn't say it out loud.) (fortunately, because I'd be really embarrassed at this point.)
(Also, I am a special flower and the center of the universe sometimes.)
The thing is, I wasn't *that* upset, really. I'm not that invested. It's not the first time the boss has unleashed ire in my general direction or said things in a manner I found rude and offensive and borderline personal. So part of my reaction to him was to revisiting, again, what the boss was trying to say when I was at the 'get over it now' part of my coping plan. Also, the 'have a good attitude' advice is kind of my life's mantra, so I was a little confused about that.
Details of the pep-talk aside, though, it is kind of endearing that the boy I'm crushing on was so invested in my reaction. Even if he didn't magically know exactly the right thing to say. Dude, he *tried*.
I shouldn't be crushing on him, really. It's a lab of six people, that's too small to introduce interpersonal relationships, right?
...I'm so screwed.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2008-11-08 01:15 am (UTC)And yeah, I feel the same way about being the center of the universe at times-- and am usually very put out whne I figure out that I'm not. *g*
no subject
Date: 2008-11-08 01:22 am (UTC)Also, yes. The lab is too small. Don't do it. *g*
no subject
Date: 2008-11-08 01:42 am (UTC)Inconvenient crushes kind of suck.
no subject
Date: 2008-11-08 02:23 am (UTC)But... but... but in a highly pleasant way? Um.
no subject
Date: 2008-11-08 02:45 am (UTC)Maybe I should keep seeing the one I'm not that excited about? Just for the sex? Hrm.
no subject
Date: 2008-11-08 02:46 am (UTC)I wish the inconvenient crust weren't quite so inconvenient. Like, he could work in the next lab over! That would be grand!
no subject
Date: 2008-11-08 02:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-08 02:51 am (UTC)Bad sign.
The lab is too small. Don't do it. *g*
*whimper* I'm not sure it's in my hands! Though the lab next door, with a few more people, has a couple in it, and they are not the most popular people. Should be a lesson to us *all*.
...except the general dislike of them has nothing to do with their coupledom and everything to do with their senses of entitlement.
You see how I go around in circles on this? Doooooooom.
no subject
Date: 2008-11-08 02:55 am (UTC)I knew females would understand. I love fandom.
*sigh* The universe and I are at cross purposes sometimes. Why can't it be all about me, anyway?
no subject
Date: 2008-11-08 02:57 am (UTC)Actually I can ignore him sometimes. Most of my 'could act on it' moment are when he's not actually around, as it happens.
no subject
Date: 2008-11-08 03:27 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-08 07:13 am (UTC)Because it's all about *me*! :P
*g*
no subject
Date: 2008-11-08 10:20 pm (UTC)Mansplaining. What a great term.
no subject
Date: 2008-11-08 10:21 pm (UTC)