minxy

I am in a quandary. I am having feelings. Really, I need to process through them, and I need help. I hope you guys can help.

The facts are these:

I got the job I wanted, and I enjoy the work.

The work is all-encompassing. It's my first year, and it never ends.

In 2009, I moved across the country. In 2010 I began a major job search on top of my job. In 2011 I moved back across the country in a leftward manner, and also moved my boyfriend's stuff Northward. My new job now is three times the teaching load, as well as research expectations. E is commuting part time back to his parent's homes to continue working, but that is work, this is home. There was little time to find a community in my new town, and my work cohort didn't mesh the way we did in my last position. There was little time to exercise (though I managed 1 hour a week.)

I ended the year in a state of exhaustion that revealed the utter lack of immune system I'd retained over this time. I have had fevers, sinus colds, chest colds, and fevers again. I had a month off between semesters and I only barely recovered to full health. I am not emotionally at full health.

Words that might describe my feelings: sad. Lonely (E is at work more than he is here.) Exhausted despite not needing sleep. Dread of each week beginning. Sad. Lonely.

It's hard to bargain that all will be well if only I survive feeling this way for the Spring semester, then get to the summer when things will ease, and I won't have to move. I enjoy my work, but E has not established work here. I'm fantasizing about chucking all of it, becoming a community college instructor and having a life, but that would be abandoning the parts of my job that I am most excited about (as much as I'm excited about anything right now) when I go to work these days, and frankly, moving again... well, it's part of the problem, isn't it? You can't solve problems with the same thinking that created them. And you can't solve exhaustion by chucking your dream job and going further into debt with another interstate move just because you miss the support of your partner.

If anyone could maybe tell me that I won't feel this way all semester, or that there is maybe a solution I'm not seeing, that would be great.

One of the reasons I follow some rare-posting blogs is for gems like this kind of thing: random collections of neat links that make it worth keeping that blog on the list. Since I am now a rare poster, I present:

NPR's series on the 50th anniversary of West Side Story. There's a US-wide rerelease of WSS on the big screen this Wednesday, if you have always wanted to see the movie on a bigger screen.

H/T to cofax Vintage 1900 Halloween postcards

The movie of Snow Flower and the Secret Fan (author: Lisa See, I think) which I saw the other night, and these icons of Li Bingbing (one of the leads), by yifu via chromicons, which is a great creative community.

Cinemagraphs

Hungry Ghost Food and Travel. Gorgeous photographs, unusual ingredients.

Halloween sort of kicks off the season (which extends officially until January, but never really ends) of my Mother sending me decorating knick-knacks in an attempt to get me to recognize the change of season inside my house. I don't object to other people doing it, and am generally very happy to see garlands of fir and pine, red berry twig and flower arrangements, etc, when I'm with my family for the holidays. For my house, thought, it feels like one more fussy thing I have to do or find room for or *clean*. And did I mention that there is no storage in my house for boxes and boxes of decorations? THERE ISN'T, mostly because I don't want to make space. Anyway, with that caveat carefully in place, I am really drawn to these bright green, polka dot, paper garlands. Am I right? Aren't they happy looking?

I would love, love, love to participate in this: Culture Kitchen Please someone go on my behalf? One aspect of traveling for me was always engaging with people in a non-business manner, and beyond that, connecting with women, who were frequently not the first people to work with tourists. Food is one of those universal conversation starters that work even without common language, but bring you to common ground, especially with other women. I wish I could go.

I think I'm done for the moment-- the cat wishes to cuddle.

ETA:Back with a few more links.

young people, texting, language and history of that intersection is a neat read, thought the comments add a lot of additional nuance.

This trailer Still Bill Trailer has me contemplating a relatively expensive purchase just so I can download the full documentary right now. Bill Withers!

While we're on that, I want to see this too: How to Make a Book with Steidl It looks like it will be fun like Helvetica was.

And I am currently downloading this to fill the Project Runway escapism need that I have sometimes. It's cheaper than Bill, but I am seriously, seriously drawn to Bill. I love his music, even the stuff that wasn't super big.

ETA2: The Bill Withers doc was fabulous. It doesn't surprise me at all that a man who can write simple and profoundly emotional music can live a simple and profoundly emotional life too. Also, does his wife not rock like a rockin' thing?

Hi guys.

So I am home sick today (aka, the day before my classes start) and faffing around the internet, as you do, when I realized that I hadn't posted since I landed safely in my new town.

So, hey! I'm all settled in. Like my job, enjoy my guy, and I'm doing pretty well as a cat owner too, even as the previously mentioned fella took off for his previous town to wrap up a few things (he'll be doing that on and off for the next, oh, six months.)

My profile went live on my work website the other day, and this week I've been bombarded with emails from my last job--students reporting on their new positions/classes, colleagues checking in, people telling me what changed, and notably a recent retiree from the last department on a road-trip asking if I can come out for dinner Thursday. Awesome.

meh. So I'm sick, though. Bleargh. I hope you are well, internets? I've been lurking around, but it is nice to say hello.

You know what's kind of awesome? This cartoon of How Harry Potter Should Have Ended. They're right, actually, Snape is totally enough of a bad-ass to make that work.

Fanfic Recs:

(I'll give you a minute to sit down and compose yourselves, it has been a while.)

Fandom: Sherlock Holmes, BBC.

( Reccers Notes )

So, I give you, the stories I have been reading in Sherlock Holmes fandoms (mostly, but not all, the modern AU that the BBC is airing now.)

Classic early relationship and slash: The Perils of Urban Warfare by phantomjam. Watson POV, pilot timing, and how Watson goes on the mend. The early story is as much Afganistan in John's mind as London, but there's a moment at the end, where John laughs, without any exposition from the author, and I loved the catharsis of that moment. Very nicely written, not worksafe, Watson/Holmes.

A first kiss from resonant: Amenable, which might be cross-referenced under "experimental first steps" for Sherlock. John/Sherlock, not worksafe.

One of comms I've been trawling had a marriage theme for a bit, but like Jack and Daniel, I think John and Sherlock really just work in an "old married love" kind of way:

Declarations of Mutual Devotion which is sweet and just sort-of not about the sexytimes. Worksafe, by waketosleep.

This one deliberately sets up an affectionate, but asexual Sherlock, which is fascinating. And almost more intimate in understanding--the gestures made are resolutely meaningful. Horse and Carriage by flawedamythyst, worksafe.

On the subject of an asexual, or not-even-remotely-interested-in-sex Sherlock, a fic that has no more homoerotic subtext than the canon. Touchy Feely by the lovely basingstoke gen, worksafe, spoilers for The Blind Banker (ep 2).

Thirdly, an asexual (or, at least, really not very interested) Sherlock, with an interesting twist on sleeping together. I think I accept the resolution of the story, but I'm worried that I found it satisfying, when it might have kept it's edge. Regardless, a sweet story that has had me thinking long since I read it. The Second Law of Thermodynamics by entangled_now, and sequels The Art of Negotiation, The Definition of Insanity, and The Rules. John/Sherlock.

Okay, a little gleefully awkward negotiation and first time, because really I'm a joyful slasher: Thought Experiment Watson/Holmes, not worksafe.

One of those angsty, atmospheric, burn-through reveals that hurts so good. The Hour of Separation, worksafe, but wrenching. John/Sherlock, PG-13. Spoilers for The Great Game (ep 3).

Trans Sherlock: Now I have to caveat that I am no expert on the trans experience, so I can only say that these stories read as legit to me and let you take what qualifications you will from that. What made these real is the sense that your body may not be an ally, that it can betray as easily as people can betray each other. I very much liked the read that it's not Sherlock's inherent discomfort with social niceties in general that puts him on the fringes of society, but rather that he is a fringe member of society, that he's hiding bigger secrets than loneliness, and that friendship is a bigger acceptance than merely tolerating a person's company. I loved the read of Sherlock as female to male, I thought it added amazing depth to the character and I think the stories that result are remarkable.

Two for your reading: Seems So Easy For Everyone Else by etothepii, link goes to part 1, this story is pre-series, and features Sherlock's changing relationship with Mycroft as a central point. It is gorgeous and heartwrenching.

The second is set in Victorian London, the Law & Downey, Jr. edition, by the physical description of Mary. Intemperance, by basingstoke from the journals of Dr. Watson, and wonderful. You want to hug them all, if there weren't significant danger that Holmes might bite you. Probably not worksafe, though all hanky-panky is off-camera, and the relationships are all canon. Still, this is like no story I've ever read before. As thefourthvine said in her recommendation (which got me reading fanfiction in this fandom in general) one of the amazing aspects of Holmsian fandoms is the reliance on Watson (prim, proper Watson) as a narrator. It's not a great leap to believe he might have edited out some key, private, details.

In which either John or Sherlock is a little bit special (the magic skills AU trope):

Make Whole What Has Been Smashed by gigantic, in which Sherlock is not living in time the way everyone else is. John/Sherlock.

One of my favorites: an empathy with objects, an understanding of their history by touch. In this case, the skill is John's. They Tell Me Their Secrets (Will You Tell Me Yours Too?) by etothepii gen, worksafe.

While I would have loved to have heard back on the house we want, confirming that we do, in fact, get to live there, some truly awesome things happened today:

1. Finished a draft of a journal article. WIN.
2. Found out one of my other writing projects is not something I need to do. Like, at all. A meeting will suffice? Excellent.
3. I had convinced myself that I had only a week to pack, for some reason. I have two! I fail at calendars but WIN AT HAVING MORE TIME.
4. Someone posted more SYTYCD at I heart. I heart them.
5. I started packing last night. Mind you, I only just started (four boxes of books), but it's something.


Thank goodness I got a draft of the paper done. Thank goodness I have more time to finish the draft of the grant and everything else. I might get through this move alive.

The pattern I posted on Ravelry is about to hit 250 bookmarks, which is to say, more people than have EVER commented on a fanfic story of mine have bookmarked a pattern I wrote. The *first* pattern I wrote. I vacillate between skittish and excited. If only there were more pictures visible! The numbers game alone is addictive and utterly frightening.

When three fannish things happening in rapid succession (after a long not-very-fannish space), I do not see a coincidence.

1. I hang out with awesome Stargate peeps over the weekend. We reminisce about authors we've lost track of, and the heyday of Stargate fanfic output.
2. Paian messages out of the blue about archiving a multi-author story.
3. She offers me an invite to create a pseud. I take her up on it, and upload a story, thence to immediately get distracted by who else is there.

So, since subscriptions are now live at AO3, you can subscribe to any of these authors (or ones I haven't found yet) and be notified when they either upload a new story, or archive an older one. I'm likely to be the latter case.

To kick it off properly:

I'm at minxy and fandoms in the immediate queue include Stargate SG-1 (archiving)! I have ten stories up so far, commentfic and one-offs as well as the full-on stories that were beta'd and all that. It's been a nice trip down memory lane--I forgot I wrote so many stories.

( Pan-Stargate Authors at AO3 (random order is random, also incomplete): )

Methods and Materials: The archivist used a random technique of following bookmarks combined with a methodical and incomplete technique of paging through all SG-1 fic. I may not have seen your name because my eyes were crossed, I may not have recognized the pseud, you may not have reposted any stories, but I still want to know that you're there. Please do comment.

I have hit on two key ideas!

1. Driving across the country (again) with my Sweetheart of Epic Adoration (first) sounds much more appealing with the addition of one word: AUDIOBOOKS. Anyone know of sources for good ones? I'm thinking of comedy or classic sci-fi.

2. What I need for the sock pattern is a BETA. Anyone out there up for beta-ing the writing and/or test knitting a sock? I can get it drafted by this weekend, I think. I would love an initial walk through on IM or via email too, a "what do you mean by..." or "can you post a key to your terms too?" that kind of thing.

Rough week, oy. Somehow, because awfulness came in pairs this week, I got two migraines (punctuated by super-maniacal highs, because being a weathervane is the stupidest superpower ever), had two arguments that made me feel like a horrible person for having them, and had both my medical appointments canceled due to not-my-fuckups.

Some days, the little human tragedies are worse than the epic ones.

I hurt through and through.

I'd make myself junkfood for supper, but it won't help. I'll probably do it anyway.

I wish my shows weren't so dark, or I'd zone out. I'm trying to read stories, but it's still hard to focus, especially after a week of making myself get work done.

I must be doing it wrong.

ETA: well, fuck. That's a maudlin post, isn't it? On the upside, I lectured well, made up a sock pattern and committed to a reasonable, affordable moving company. Emo, I banish thee; and if you don't leave within the hour, I'll loose the dogs.

H/T to cleolinda for this, but it absolutely must be shared far and wide across the fen: SOMEONE IS MARKETING CHOOSE-YOUR-OWN MARY SUE FICTION. Good on you, people who found a way to tap the Twilight fans market. I picked the mystery section, having recently watched the Sherlock Holmes movie, and asked for a free preview. I'll wait while you do the same.

Principles: you imput your name (I chose Mary Sue, obvs.) and then the name of your leading man. And if you can't think of your favorite leading man right off the top of your head, they'll suggest some actors for you to picture as you think really hard (hint: they're mostly Twilight actors.)

( Mary Sue and Detective Watson Decipher the Clues... )

Okay, so they went on for a while, but you get the point, right? I solve crimes with John Watson! My life is complete.*


In other news, despite once again completing a booklet as a Nielson Family (I said I watched all your favorite shows) I seem to have come down with a strange case of only being interested in British SciFi shows lately. Being Human, as I imprinted on the British version (A ghost, a werewolf and a vampire take a flat together, but can they stand each others friends????) and then lately, what seems to be a remake of the Earth 2 concept: Outcasts (link to the io9 advanced description with trailer) I will now express to you my fervent desire that more people start watching this show and talking about it.

The abbreviated version: Postapocalyptic show with good world-building and many flawed, capable, dangerous people. Also lots of accents.

The slightly longer version: Earth was going to hell, so a multi-decade project set out to terraform a new planet, sending first pioneers and soldiers, later the best and brightest that Earth had to offer to begin again. But something happened to the transports and the new colony hasn't seen one or heard from Earth in five years. A transport arriving on their doorstep sees a colony in transition welcoming what may be the last arrivals of civilians from Earth. They face holding out hope for a reunion with their families, decisions about telling new colonists about the hard decisions from the first years, and a lack of unity in the transition to civilian life again. All while trying to avoid (or admit to failing to avoid) the mistakes of the first human planet.

Details about characters who caught my eye: I'll just tell you right now I love the women. (Photos at IMDb, as I have limited screenshots.)

( cut for length and images, but to get you to click through: Amy Manson (Daisy on Being Human,) Jamie Bamber, Hermione Norris and various other enticements within: )

In conclusion: ensemble post-apocalyptic show with alien worlds! I may be falling into fannish love. JOIN ME AND I'LL BAKE COOKIES.***

*I do not, at this time, admit to a fanatical obsession with the Sherlock Holmes series, having never read the books and only watched the one movie. But Jude Law was pretty awesome, I thought the women were pretty kick ass, and I found an old-school Sherlock Holmes t.v. episode just for fun (though I have low expectations of women being awesome or Jude Law even making an appearance.)

**A word or two each about accents and multiculturalism. This is meant to be an international expedition, but naturally, most of the actors are British (for obvious reasons). Nevertheless, some non-Westerners are seen or referred to, and one major character (Ashley Walters) is a black man and a protagonist (if occasionally an obstacle.) He is a soldier as opposed to something more cerebral, but of higher rank, though his intelligence is insulted in an aside by the badguy (which had the effect of really making me dislike the badguy as opposed to the writers. YMMV.) There was also a minor canonically gay and completely accepted character (unfortunately red-shirted.)

***Point me to existing comms and I'll love you forever